Horrible Pickup Lines
by NotascrazyasI
Summary: If beauty were time, you'd be eternity. Do you have a map? I can't help but get lost in your eyes. Are you from Tennessee? Because you're the only ten I see! And so on and so forth. You all know those lame things. Various pairings, some reader inserts. Suggestiveness. These are funny as hell, and so lame it should be a crime, hence the genres.
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_**I absolutely love these lame things, so I looked a bunch up and decided to make a Hetalia story of our beloved Hetalia characters using them. I also had a bit of sugar (I just got my braces off!) so yeah... that's why. Various pairings~ Also, some Reader inserts.**_

Pickup One

Oh god, he was nervous. There she was, just sitting _right in front of him. _And he couldn't think of a single think to say. Hadn't he spent hours on his computer looking for that damn perfect pickup line? Lame, he knew, but they always seemed to work on other girls! Hadn't Prussia and France and Spain made so many conquests with those absolutely horrid things? Ah! He was straying again. He cleared his throat, but regretted it the moment she turned her blue eyes onto him. God, she was gorgeous. Oh wait! Was that it? Oh well, it just might work anyway. "Y-you're so beautiful I forget my pickup line..." He stuttered out, shyly diverting his gaze to the ground.

Ukraine smiled at the man in front of her. Did he just... use a pickup line on her...? "Aw, Canada." She said softly. "You're so cute, you don't need a pickup line."

Pickup Two

Prussia was smirking, just like he always did when he had a new fish to hook. This hotie was just sitting at the bar with a bored expression. Bored. Those were the easiest ones to pick up. You must've been just _dying _for some action. Some hot, kinky, _awesome _action. So, with the aforementioned smirk still on his face, he approached you. You looked up with that same bored stare, but Prussia wasn't discouraged. "Hi, my name's Gilbert. You'll need to know it for when your screaming it later." You just blinked at him in a, "Are you kidding me?" Sort of way._  
_

Then, you smirked back. "Sir, if there will be any screaming, it'll be _my _name the neighbors remember."

Pickup Three

"Les-bi-honest... you were checking me out, weren't you?" Hungary smirked at the other green eyed girl in front of her, before they both started to laugh. That was the lamest thing that either had ever heard.

Pickup Four

England was gay. Everyone knew that, and everyone was mature enough to respect that. Except America... he hadn't been able to face England since this confession, for unknown reasons. Now, England was shocked to find him waiting outside his hotel room for him. "Amer-"

Before he could finish, America looked at him with a dead serious expression and said, "When I'm around you I can't think straight." (A/N: Get it? Think STRAIGHT, as in, not gay? Sorry, I'm so lame.)

Pickup Five

America was drunk. He hadn't been this drunk for awhile now, and when he _had _England hadn't happened to stop by. Nor had he had such a large, crushing, infatuation for him. All around, the odds were not the best for his pride. "Are you a burger, because you can be the meat between my buns." He slurred drunkly, earning him a swift slap to the face.

"Stupid American." England grumbled as he stomped away. "Wait until your sober before you come on to me and I'll say yes!"

_**So that's all for now. I'll be doing five per chapter and updating irregularly. If you have a certain pickup line that you want to be used, please, send it in! I will waste no time to type it up, promise! Anyway, thanks for reading my weird, sugar motivated story. I look forward to writing some more randomness~**_


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_**So here's chapter 2~ Awesomeness is afoot~**_** And also, some of these are all longer than the rest, which is why it took so much longer to type, not that you would know how long it took to type the other one, but oh well~ And, these are almost all reader inserts cause I'm too lazy to think of actual pairings. Promise there'll be more pairings in the next one. AND yes, there are some AUs.**

Pickup Six

_Wow._ That was all you could think as you saw the sudden inflow of people to the building you had just been hired into. 'Hot' they had said. 'Hot' didn't even cover it. Try inhumanly _gorgeous. _When [friend's name] said that this was a perfect job for you... well, let's just say she knew you well. _Damn _those were fine asses. '_Stop it' _you scolded yourself silently. '_Focus on your job so you don't get fired' _With a sheepish smile you greeted the group of -mostly- men. "ID and pass please." They lined up and slowly handed you their identification as they passed you. The last man in the entire line was the most stunning and absolutely _adorable_! A blush painted your cheeks and you completely forgot about the rest of the men. "H-hi." You stuttered.

He blinked at you in a surprised manor, before smiling hugely back at you. You had to get a grip before you started to swoon. "Hello. I'm Ca- erm, Matthew Williams." You couldn't help but wonder what he had been about to say. 'Ca-'? Ca what? With a mental shake of your head, you checked the man's ID, before waving him in. Just as he passed you though, he leaned forward and whispered gently into your ear, "Heaven's missing an angel." With that said, he walked into the building, leaving you to blush furiously and wish with all your might he'd come back so you could kiss him.

Pickup Seven

Was that the kid from your class? You wondered as a young looking boy walked up to you. He couldn't seem to look you in the eyes, and decided he'd rather fidget with his school uniform. You waited patiently for him to speak up, but when he didn't you asked, "Can I help you?"

He sort of jumped at this and _finally _met your gaze. A shy smile graced his face and you couldn't help but 'aww' inwardly. He was so freaking adorable! "S-see my friend over there?" He asked you, pointing at Eduard, your tutor. When the Estonian noticed your gaze, he gave a little wave and- was that a smirk? "W-well," the boy- Raivis- spoke up, bringing your gaze back to his face. "H-he wanted to know if you thought I'm c-cute." He tinted pink, which answered that question right away.

"Yes." You replied right away. Then with a blush of your own, you leaned forward and planted a soft kiss to his cheek. "You're absolutely adorable~"

Pickup Eight 

You were bi. It wasn't that odd nowadays. And at least you got more choices. And, _damn _the girl was gorgeous. You slowly walked over to her, before sitting down on the stool next to her. "You know," You said slowly, smiling over at her, "bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for getting a date on a Saturday night."

Pickup Nine

"Hey, wanna merge?" This was why Germany hated having France on his border, because there was a good chance of questions like this.

"No. Go to hell."

Pickup Ten

Nights in Spain weren't supposed to be this cold! You thought miserably as you rubbed your arms to try to keep yourself warm. Today was just going horribly and had yet to get better. That is, until you heard a heavy accented voice. "You look cold. Want to use me as a blanket?"

You glanced up angrily to tell whoever it was to go somewhere else when- whoa. Sexy Spanish dude at twelve o'clock. You smiled. "How 'bout a hug instead?" Hey, he was hot right?

_**And done~ Yay~ That last one was fun, but most of you won't know why~ Anyway, thank you for reading this! It's so fun to write! This is probably what I'll update when I'm procrastinating everything else.**_


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